Hurricane Spencer Set to Hit Florida


Hurricane Spencer Set to Hit Florida

Florida Governor Rick Scott, the stalwart conservative millionaire who is best known for being the former CEO of a company that was fined $1.7 billion for health care fraud, declared a State of Emergency ahead of a planned speech by evil white supreme-ist Richard Spencer.

Spencer is scheduled to speak at the University of Florida Gainesville on Thursday.

Spencer, the Grand Wizard of the Alt-Right, is known to evoke floods of liberal tears and earthquakes caused by the uncontrollable shaking of social justice warriors any time he speaks on liberal college campuses.

“I find that the threat of a potential emergency is imminent,” Scott stated in a seven-page executive order that activated the same emergency powers he employed as Hurricane Irma hit the state last month.

Referring to an August rally in Charlottesville, Virginia where Spencer’s magical alt-right incantations caused a police helicopter to unexplainably fall out of the sky and a car to ram into a crowd of peaceful baseball bat-carrying Black Lives Matter ‘protesters’, Governor Scott stated that Spencer has previously “sparked protests and counter-protests resulting in episodes of violence, civil unrest, and multiple arrests.”

No cure has yet been found to Richard Spencer’s white magic, though many peaceful “anti-fascist” protesters seem convinced that burning Spencer at the stake and/or driving a hammer and sickle through his chest will surely solve the problem.

Campus communists at the University of Florida Gainesville have been going ballistic in response to the news.

“[World War Two veterans] would be shocked and appalled, they would say, ‘Do we have to fight the Nazis all over again?’” assistant professor of cultural Marxism at UF-Gainesville Paul Ortiz said last Wednesday, apparently forgetting that the military was segregated in World War Two and that most of the white men of that era held views on race and gender roles that would today be deemed even more bigoted than Richard Spencer’s. 


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